Happy New Year

Goodbye 2009.

As I was thinking back over this past year, I could not come up with many fond memories. My first thought of it is that it has been a hard year for me. But reality is that it has been a year of discomfort. There were no tragedies, no deaths, no sickness or disease. Yes there have been some difficult times with Travis' work, my dad having an accident which led to him moving in with us and going back to work. My fairy tale has been turned upside down and shaken inside out.

But I have learned one thing: God will never leave me or forsake me.

I can remember the holy spirit quickening a question at the beginning of 2009. It was, "what do you want out of this year?" I have never had this experience before so I took several days to ponder it. I finally decided that what I wanted for 2009 was to know that I believed God no matter what came my way or what I experienced. That at the end of every day He was my God, my Savior, my Healer, my Provider, my Strength, my Need.

I wish I could say that this was an easy test and that I passed with flying colors. But not so. My belief system has been tested by extreme measures and I failed by extreme measures. Even though I knew I was being tested, some days I didn't even show up for the test. (automatic F) Fact is, I spent most of my days moping and pouting because I was not getting what I wanted; That I was having to go around this mountain again; That God did not love me because He did not magically make it disappear. I was not fighting my spiritual war, I was hiding from my savior. Truth is I did not want to take this test. I had taken it, passed it and did not care to ever see it again. But my Savior had different plans.

What is so funny, is I thought we were so doing without. But we still had cable, phone, electricity, water and air conditioning. We had all the necessities and then some. And still do. But any and all extras were cut out. And the worst of it was I had to go back to work. I know I sound very spoiled and I was. (still am) But I was taking it all for granted.

As I could close the door to 2009, I would like to leave a few things in the past. Like the ungodly belief that God would deliver me out of all my mess to leave me where I'm at. Or that my children would suffer. That I am as mature as I thought I was.

And there are a few things that I will take with me into 2010. Like knowing that God loves us enough to let us go through things so that we will grow in Him. That what surrounds you does not compare to who is inside you. That I am basically a sinner in need of a savior.

So, hello 2010. I welcome you with a much better attitude than the previous year. "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14 This I will take with me everyday, and focus not on the test, but the Teacher.

Happy new year!